Big news for people who love small news.

Javier Bardem has been cast as a "villainous, stock-shorting hedge-fund manager" in the much-anticipated (by me anyway) sequel to Wall Street. Great news, hedge-fund managers: there's so many of you villainous, stock-shorting troublemakers out there that no one will think for a second it's based on you! Oh, you little scamps. We just can't take you anywhere (mostly due to your private jets being grounded)!

Also, I have more plot details, and juicy set gossip secrets!!! From NY Mag:

...the film is set in the months preceding the October 2008 collapse of the
world's economic system. Gordon Gekko has just been released from Shady Acres
federal prison, where he had spent the last twenty-plus years paying his debt to
society for his greedy ways. Shia LaBeouf plays an ambitious young Wall Street
trader in the Charlie Sheen mold, only this time around, his character isn't as
keen to impress Gekko as Bud Fox was in the original. Rather, the device that
brings the two protagonists together is the fact that LaBeouf is engaged to
Gekko's estranged daughter (that role isn't cast yet, but we think it would be
hilarious if they landed on Megan Fox). You see, Gekko has grown a heart during
his time in prison, but when nobody listens to his cautionary words to his Wall
Street cronies that the "end is coming," he becomes "obsessed with trying to
repair his ruptured relationship with his daughter."

I say OUTSTANDING. This has the exact right amount of implausible coincidence that I've come to expect. Suggestion! Leighton Meester for the daughter. Bam. What's next? Barbar: James Gandolfini. Bam. John Wilkes Booth? Jason Schwartzman. BAM. Perfection. I could do this all day. (ask me about my Breakfast Club remake!)

Okay. In the interest of full disclosure, when I first read the story I was too excited, and (incorrectly) assumed that Javier would be replacing Michael Douglas as Gordon Gekko. My first thought was of confusion: 'That's ridiculous!' I said to myself, 'Who replaces a perfectly good steak with another exotically named, strongly accented steak?' Then I got mad. Like, really really mad. Who in their right mind fires Michael Douglas, a national treasure and practically Hollywood royalty? This would ruin the whole movie! I was ready to jump ship on my whole-hearted endorsement of this remake, and officially withdraw support.

I want you all to understand: I was actually upset at this development. I was getting ready to write a strongly-worded letter. About Wall Street 2. Think about that.

Yeah. I already know.

Anyway! My fears were unfounded and now Javier will once again dance the confusing line between 'exotic sexpot' and 'Mr. McCreepy.' And, once more, I will be forced to find him undeniably attractive but also kind of repellent,* turning my movie-going experience into yet another heady mix of confusion, lust and shame. Damn it, Javier: every time we do this, EVERY TIME!


*See also: Morgan, Dexter; Draper, Don.

Full story at Vulture/NY Mag: Wall Street 2 Goes Limp