by Jillian Leigh, Ampersandology
I cannot handle the trailer for 2012 any longer, nor can I keep silent.
No, seriously. It terrifies me. Not just in a 'oh wow, i bet you could scratch the plot synopsis on the damp side of a Snapple lid' kind of way. Not even in a 'John Cusack, the 80s called and they want to know what happened, man' kind of way.
It terrifies me in the 'God DAMN it, Hollywood, you promised to use your powers for good, HARDLY EVER for evil' kind of way. It upsets me in the movie theater, in a manner that is ONLY HEALED by the memory of the jumping goats from the cell phone commercial.
Like, what the hell, 2012 trailer? Way to obliterate my favorite planet. Here is a short list of things I never needed to see: the White House being crushed by a ship named after JFrakkin'K (Subtle City!), New York pavement cracking like the surface of a poorly baked cheesecake, or John Cusack cashing in the last chips of his pop culture relevance. 2012 trailer, DO YOU LIKE ANYTHING? Is this, like, a teenage rebellion thing? 'Cause I get it, I guess, I just don't think you need to eat the world to prove to your dad that you'll never be like him and you don't want his life, damn it.
Just for that, I'M MAKING FUN OF YOU. Like the baby squirrel, I fear what I do not understand. Then I tease it until it goes away. MORAL VICTORY!
I cannot handle the trailer for 2012 any longer, nor can I keep silent.
No, seriously. It terrifies me. Not just in a 'oh wow, i bet you could scratch the plot synopsis on the damp side of a Snapple lid' kind of way. Not even in a 'John Cusack, the 80s called and they want to know what happened, man' kind of way.
It terrifies me in the 'God DAMN it, Hollywood, you promised to use your powers for good, HARDLY EVER for evil' kind of way. It upsets me in the movie theater, in a manner that is ONLY HEALED by the memory of the jumping goats from the cell phone commercial.
Like, what the hell, 2012 trailer? Way to obliterate my favorite planet. Here is a short list of things I never needed to see: the White House being crushed by a ship named after JFrakkin'K (Subtle City!), New York pavement cracking like the surface of a poorly baked cheesecake, or John Cusack cashing in the last chips of his pop culture relevance. 2012 trailer, DO YOU LIKE ANYTHING? Is this, like, a teenage rebellion thing? 'Cause I get it, I guess, I just don't think you need to eat the world to prove to your dad that you'll never be like him and you don't want his life, damn it.
Just for that, I'M MAKING FUN OF YOU. Like the baby squirrel, I fear what I do not understand. Then I tease it until it goes away. MORAL VICTORY!
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