Why I Find Don Draper So Attractive: A Helpful Diagram

1. The Words

This mouth is clever, talented and deceitful, and to paraphrase Jack Donaghy, I just want to kiss him on the mouth to stop him from saying such ridiculous things. Don’s a man of words, not action. He gives voice to the big ideas he’ll never follow through. His mouth is also home to such memorable Draperisms as:

 “Mourning is just extended self-pity. In New Guinea, pygmies grind up their ancestors and drink the powder in a beer.” (I like to think he researches these facts and waits patiently for a chance to use it in conversation)

“Every day I make pictures where people appear to be in love. I know what it looks like.”

“People were buying cigarettes before Freud was born.” 

 And of course: “What you call love was invented by guys like me to sell nylons.”

  To be honest, I’m pretty sure I’d be okay with whatever lies Don chose to tell me because, well, he’d phrase it so pretty. That would be totally okay with me. Keep in mind, though: I'm shallow.

 

2. The Necktie.

The tie is key—it’s perfect for fixing affectionately, tugging instructively, or straightening after he’s kissed you roughly in the stairwell. In other words, it gives me terrible, unprintable ideas.

 3. The Hair

God, this hair: it’s like a time capsule in itself. Brylcreem should pay him a commission, he does so much to promote this look. It’s just another piece of Don’s considerable armor, but it only makes me wonder what it would take to mess up. No, not wonder: actively plan.

 

4. Note! 

The placement of a desperate and angry fist where his heart should be.

 

5. His Bearing

His every move is so calculated and precise, it’s like watching a granite statue. He understands the ingredients in human behavior, and tries his best to imitate it—but considering that every man he knows either hates him passionately or is stuck in hero-worship, he can’t ever fit comfortably anywhere. In his quest to become Don Draper, it’s like he overdid it out of gate, becoming an uber-mensch that actually bears no resemblance to a real man.

 Let me reiterate: granite statue. Yay!

 

6. The Vice Squad: Smoking and Drinking

In my mind, Don is most at home inside a haze of cigarette smoke and the stale smell of uncapped whiskey. I like to think Don smokes (and drinks) partly because it gives him something to do when he’s actually doing nothing: a man as perfunctorily focused on production as he is would hate being accused of doing nothing. Either way, he looks so criminally good doing it that I kind of want to give him a medal for it. It will say Congratulations! Cancer hates you.

 

7. The Cuffs

The perfect punctuation to being a relentless bad-ass: just smile, straighten your cuffs, and punch the joker in the mouth. Not so har-de-har now, is it, funny man?!? There could be a spin-off show where Don just punches people, smokes and takes women roughly in the hallway. I will finance this project.

 

8. Pocket Full of Scribble

Most of his brilliant ideas end up scribbled on whatever’s handy---which, factoring in his daily activities, is usually a cocktail napkin or matchbook--and he keeps them all. I imagine it as the one thing he childishly collects, squirreling them into the corners of his desk drawers or jacket pockets. So endearing! He’s secretly a loser.

  

9. The Grey Flannel Suit

I don’t think it’s a mistake that Don’s de facto uniform is the eponymous grey flannel suit of pop-lit fame. Don IS the man in the grey flannel suit, and as such, his clothing is sort of invisible, always some variation on his usual jacket + skinny tie = hotness. Seeing him out of it is always a visible shock: usually, it ends with my jaw on the floor. Dear God, it’s hard to imagine he wasn’t born in those high-waisted trousers….but oh so fun to try.