Male Dopplegangers & Gender Bending Party Games

by Jillian Leigh, Ampersandology


For anyone who caught Conan O'Brien's last show this past Friday, you'll obviously know that the highlight was clearly the moment when Conan proposed that HBO make a movie about the whole debacle, and that he be played by Tilda Swinton. 

Now here is a true fact: I dig Tilda Swinton. She is a kooky bird! She makes bold choices in her career and admittedly odd ones in her personal life. But she rocks it! And Tilda, deciding that it wasn't enough to just have me admire her, has now set about earning my unfailing devotion by being ultra-boss. From Movieline: 

“I’ve heard about Conan!...I’m so thrilled.”

So would she be willing to take on the challenge of playing him? After all, Swinton has bent genders onscreen before, as anyone who’s seen her 1992 film Orlando would know.

“I would just be only too happy,” she beamed. “Yes, yes, yes, absolutely.”

Then, pondering the offer, she decided to return the favor and solicit from O’Brien. “What I really would love to do is get him to do some of the things I get to do. It would be nice if he were here at Sundance maybe, wearing this coat, talking about I Am Love.”

It might seem like a tall order for O’Brien, but he certainly has several months of unemployment to pull off such a switch. “And why not?” Swinton said. “Every girl should have a doppleganger.”

She's right, you know. Every girl should have a doppleganger, I firmly believe that. Mine is Jason Schwartzman. 

Anyone who reads this blog who knows me personally just went, "Ooooooh, yeah, he totally is her doppleganger." You know why? Because Jay-Schwartz and I rock the same sensibility; it's hard to explain, but it's there. In truth, he's not my doppleganger in the sense that we look anything alike. But trust me: our souls are the same flavour--too cool for school-berry. 

I feel like if we met on the street, we'd have all the same things in common and then suddenly realizing that we are each other's Platonic ideal....then, in my head, we start singing that most excellent song from The Parent Trap while the world slowly eats itself whole from some metafictional kind of mindblown-ness. 

Let me tell you, THAT is a fun party game: if you were an opposite sex celebrity, who would you be? Think about it. Get back to me. 

My early childhood just came screaming back to me.

You may remember Mark-Paul Gosselaar from his stints on Law & Order, NYPD Blue or even sharing a birthday with yours truly. That is, unless you were grew up in the early 1990s, in which case you will forever know him as Zachary "Zack" Morris from Saved by the Bell. Yes, Mark-Paul Gosselaar (or, as I affectionately refer to him, MPG 2 the MAX) occupies a treasured place on the wall of Pop Culture Unfortunates: so many have bonded over his super-cheesy, neon-stained stint on what has become a secretly beloved, sorely admitted adoration (OMG YOU GUYS! Remember the LISA?!? The dance craze for everyone!!!!)

Well, I have the best news. A few nights ago, he reprised his role as Zack Morris during his interview on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. And when I say 'reprised', I really mean 'gloriously resurrected from the annals of pop culture death.' And this is...whoo, boy. This is remarkable for too many reasons. Instead of trying to pretend that I wasn't rendered speechless by this massive development in world history, I will itemize the reasons below.

1. Attention to detail.

Study the picture. Notice how the shoes appear three sizes too big? How his hair is inexplicably at least three different shades while pretending to be normal? The unnaturally pale shade of his denim? You can't just roll out of bed, grab the first things your hands find and emerge THAT mismatched: it takes skill, perseverance and commitment. No one outside of 1993 would even think of laughing so boldly in the face of fashion. Kudos.

2. Giving us what we didn't know we needed.

Case in point: A reunion of Saved By the Bell (or, as it's known in Germany, California High School) is something that society doesn't know it needs until it happens. And God bless Jimmy Fallon for pointing that out. Let's return to the simple days of the early to mid 90s, a time of Sonic the Hedgehog and discotheques, neon leggings and checkered spandex. Can't we go back? Mark-Paul will be our guide.

3. Breaking character.

As in, not once. Where does Zack Morris end, and Mark-Paul begin? This is Method acting at its finest and most tender (is it possible that Gosselaar studied with Lee Strasberg at the Studio? Because I swear, some of his inflections...).

4. What kind of day has it been, indeed.
It's the little things. When Zack Morris first boasted that 23 pound cellular telephone (Because back then, we said said the "-ular" suffix aloud) he was the living embodiment of the bee's knees. Now, we laugh at that phone. But why laugh when instead, we could look back fondly and admire how far we've come in such a short time? Zack Morris is no object of derision--he was a pioneer of communication.

Oh, think what hi jinks Zack would have avoided if not for his fast livin', get rich quick ways--not unlike, say, our modern world. Did I just blow your mind? I thought so. There is a lesson here, that all of our days, no matter how meagre, lead us to a point of revelation: that hard work and patience leads to real rewards, and all of life's lessons can be learned in 22 minute chunks.

That point was witnessed by Jimmy Fallon. And its messenger was one Zack Morris. I rest my case, sir.