It's funnier out of context. Trust me.

THIS WEEK IN CYNICTASTROPHE:

Further Proof that We’re Staring into an Intellectual Apocalypse.

THE FACE PALM EDITION!
face palm: The act of slapping your forehead with the palm of your head in exasperation.

LEVEL ONE Face? Meet palm: 

A Rothko painting was hung the wrong way round at British musuem. (The Telegraph)

LEVEL TWO Ooh, guys? Get comfortable:

Why do I find the fact that a Baldwin brother wrote a Christian self help book the most disturbing thing about this picture? (Webster's is my Bitch)

LEVEL THREE Actually, you might as well go ahead and settle in for winter:

The world's ugliest dog dies. WHY IS THIS NEWS, PERCHANCE? (CNN)

LEVEL FOUR Just trust me: buy a condo. 

"Let's say I just love to shit in the river. That's my pursuit of happiness. I've got a less than desirable pursuit of happiness. I would make sure that I didn't shit upstream of you. You know what I mean. I can't pursue that pursuit of happiness because it would fuck up yours if you're downstream. It's about cause and effect. It's about being cognizant of your cause and effect and altering it so that, not only don't we want anyone to tread on us, we review our treading to make sure we're not treading on anyone else. So, yeah, libertarian, but with a sense of consciousness." —Ted Nugent (Village Voice)

"It's like Buffy, but with secret agents. And more science! And it's set in the future! So maybe it's not like Buffy at all."

THIS WEEK IN CYNICTASTROPHE:

Further Proof that We’re Staring into an Intellectual Apocalypse.

1. On the set of Dollhouse, Joss Whedon is fighting off creative interference from the network. What network, you may ask, if you'd been living in space for the last ten years? Well, it's a real shocker: it's Fox. Gosh, I feel like I’ve been here before…OH WAIT. I HAVE. It was called 2003 and the cast was only slightly different. 

2. Charles Barkley will be running for Governor. In related news, Dan Brown has been awarded the Nobel Prize for Literature and Jerry Bruckheimer bought the Oscars. Thus cementing the notion that prestige is just a dirty word elitists use to make real Americans feel bad.

3. You know what I could do? I could pepper this Sarah Palin incident with some scathing commentary. I could chalk it up to the latest steak thrown on the barbeque media and cry for three more days. But I won’t. Instead, I’m letting this speak for itself: behold, the Sarah Palin war on fruit flies.  

4. On an actual related note, tell me this is outlandish. I will call you a liar.

5. Damn it. DAMN IT. I was always afraid this day would come, but I viewed it as more of a cautionary tale. I knew I had the capacity to do this! To turn pop culture ire into some kind of begrudging appreciation! It happened with the Rock, after all: I watched Walking Tall and found myself A) not hating it and B) actively enjoying myself (albeit with a Manwich-sized dose of irony). And yet, I didn’t learn the real lesson from that experience: not even my hate cannot burn forever, despite being fuelled with the passion of some pretty stubborn conviction. So now the worst is true—I want to see a Ron Howard film.  

 

Please, tell my integrity I loved it well, if not wisely. 

"Communication would be so easier without all these words."

THIS WEEK IN CYNICTASTROPHE:

Further Proof that We’re Staring into an Intellectual Apocalypse.

 1. Yes, you know what? I really, really needed my mayonnaise to come complete with streaming video. Thanks. A bunch. Now I won’t have to think at all at the grocery store; the loudest jar will decide for me.  

 2. Yay! Now with the click of a button, I can own a Porsche too! This must be what Dr. Abraham Washington meant when he talked about the American Dream.

 3.. The Right Wing gets cannibalistic. The real news: people are surprised.

4. NBC, defying such time-honored traditions as ‘logic’ and ‘taste,’ chooses to sign on for a full season of its low-rated, wretchedly reviewed Knight Rider. See, because they’re always looking out for the little guy.  

and…

 5. Microsoft’s smarmily defensive “I’m a PC” ads were – wait for it—created on Mac computers. And on the day when the words ‘lack of forethought’ were redefined, I simply stood in awe and watched.

 

The four horsemen brought Jager! ROCK!

THIS WEEK IN CYNICTASTROPHE:

Further Proof that We’re Staring into an Intellectual Apocalypse.

1. The entire staff of the Canadian Oxford Dictionary has been laid off due to declining sales.

2. The Fox Reality show “Hole in the Wall,” wherein people in metallic suits try to fit through a shape in an approaching Styrofoam wall would be enough to herald the end. But the fact that the show is already a hit in Japan, Argentina, Australia, Brazil, China, Colombia, Denmark, Germany, Hong Kong, India, Israel, Malaysia, Mexico, Russia, Sweden and Britain? CEMENTS IT.

3. Aaron Sorkin—creator of Sports Night, The West Wing and the much aligned but appreciated by me Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip—has signed on to a new movie. It is a film about Facebook. I’ll let that sink in. Sorkin. Facebook. Linked together for eternity in the annals of IMDb.

4. David Mamet makes Redbelt. I swear to God, I thought I was being punked. Chiwetel Ejiofor is in it. And Tim Allen. Let me reiterate: Chiwetel Ejiofor and Tim Allen. In the same movie. A movie by David Mamet. And it is a movie about, and I quote, “a self-defense instructor who imparts upon his students the skills to survive on the street.” The reason I broke that into so many sentences is because I cannot bear for it to all be in the one. 

5. Beverly Hills Chihuahua is number one at the Box Office. For the second weekend in a row.

and...

6. White people, in the ultimate act of irony, have added Stuff White People Like to the hypothetical list of stuff that white people like.